I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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