I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
