Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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