i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it was like eating out sand paper
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
