Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
