Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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