his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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