i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
