you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
