Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
