he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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