It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
