He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
