i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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