I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
