good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
