Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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