What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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