I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
