I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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