So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
