If that was your dad, he is hot
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
