pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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