I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
