I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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