I wish my penis had an off switch
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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