i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
