your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
