dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
