i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
