Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
