the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
