Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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