Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
