Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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