She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
