if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize