Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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