My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
