I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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