Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
