Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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