I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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