Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
