you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
