can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
