do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
