she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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