My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
