Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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